Blind Date: Gambian Style

Do you all remember the stupid game show on UPN at like 4, 4:30, 5, and 5:30 every weekday, and for about 3 hours every weekend? I think it was called Blind Date, but it involved one girl and three dudes, or one dude and three girls. The set for the show was incredibly simple. It was four chairs, and a wall separating one from the rest.

The premise of the show is to have a potential suitor REALLY get to know the people that they want to date. They’re allowed to ask about six questions: as long as it fits in the 22 and a half minutes allotted for the show, given breaks for commercials. And since they can’t see their interviewees, they must be choosing who to date based on the quality of their character, and not the shallow exterior… Right? At the end of the show, they choose the one they like the best, and then the show pays for them to go on a date and see if they’ve really made a love connection… maybe the show was called Love Connection…

Anyway… Let’s play.

Following are two letters received by my 18 year old, 9th grader friend who lives next door. Notice the intricacies of the vocabulary, the hidden inflection, and the sincerity inherent within each letter, and at the end, please decide who you would choose to date.

*Disclaimer* These letters appear exactly as written. Punctuation, grammar, spelling, everything is true to the original letter. Although it hardly matters in a country where 2/3 of the people are named Lamin or Fatou and whole villages have the same last name, I have changed the names to protect the innocent.

Letter #1

Hi Girl. is me Michael Smith *not his actual name* I am Hear by writing you this letter to you and the rest of your friends in favor.
SO Haw are you are you find as I am. and you are about to inform you inform you about very importance thing or manas is all about Love you know if you love some one you should tell hem that I love you weather you love me or not but me I love you too much in my life today SO if I don’t see you I will not sleeping at night every day. SO if you see this letter you answer me befor Friday 2011 to Tuesday 2011.

Thank you
is your lover

I love you girl 100% of love and like you please uerrold

Letter #2 (when viewing the format of this letter, please know that teachers DRILL how to format a letter into students head. They may not know how to format a sentence within that letter, but they know exactly where the date, salutation, and location go)

Kerewan Village Wuli West
District Upper River Region
13th January, 2011

Hi My love

is a longtime I, miss you. How are you and rest of your family. I hope they are find. Is me your lovly boy Howard Figgenbottom *not his real name* I love you enver order girls in world only you place love me. enver day I, don’t see you that day I, on miseserable all the day you I, love you too much in my life today. So if I, did see you enver day in the nigh I, can’t sleep so please love howard. Why don’t you love me why. Before maday 2011 you Answer me ore going to see frighting

I love you
love me <3 Howard and Kim Jones *not her real name*
Good girls
Good by

It should be

Wow, right?

Please comment right now with your choice, Howard or Michael.

I will personally analyze them now.

Oh, Michael. You write a convincing letter, but the fact that you don’t mention the girl’s name to which you are writing makes her feel like she’s not special. Also, you tell her that you’re writing to the rest of her friends as well, like she’s just another fish in the pond. Your lack of punctuation was probably unintentional, but she could read into it as a stream of consciousness, like you can’t hold back your feelings for her any longer, you just had to get them all out at once, and wouldn’t pause for anything – not a breath, not the end of sentence – you never stop loving her. I like that you give her some time to think about her feelings, but you need to be more specific. There are about 52 Fridays and 52 Tuesdays in 2011… to which ones are you referring? Lastly, as a minor note, you have an awful lot of cross out. Next time, write a draft and make the final copy as neat and sure as your feelings for your love.

Now, Howard. You are very formal in your letter, which can be seen as good or bad. It shows that you respect this girl, but also that you may be hiding some feelings. You start off with greeting her family, which is very culturally appropriate… well played. Her father will probably like you. As a complete opposite to the letter that Michael wrote, you place a comma after every “I”. If this were read as a spoken word, with some inflection, perhaps it could be construed as poetry. However, the halting after every few words makes it seem like you’re not sure about your feelings, and are hesitating every few moments. Make up your mind. Your misspellings make the reader overly aware that you use the word “enver” - which I believe is supposed to be “every” - far too often. Your poem at the end, while it shows effort, does not make a lot of sense, and comes off as pretty desperate. Rethink how you’re being perceived when you write this. You also finish the letter with a threat – a girl should not be afraid of what will happen if she doesn’t love you. Real love doesn’t respond to threats.

The key to Howard’s essay, and what makes him my ultimate choice despite his misspelling of third grade sight words and his horrendous misinterpretation of the use of a comma, is the final sentence that he wrote. I can almost imagine him lowering his eyes, working up the courage, then raising his head confidently, and whispering while holding eye contact…

“it should be”.