People.
You need to mobilize yourselves.
We have a serious issue on our hands.
THE PACKERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!
I, the biggest Packers fan in America, am in WEST AFRICA, about as far from Green Bay as you can get - in every way possible; Weather, demographics, language, foods available, longitude and latitude.
I need people to take initiative. Contact Ben Adams to take responsibility for one of the following.
- write to Delta Airlines and tell them the situation, and make sure you mention I live in a hut with no electricity or water. And that my birthday's coming up.
- call Aaron Rodgers. He needs to know that his #1 fan and future wife is stuck in West Africa. If anybody can save me, he can.
- Contact everyone I've ever known. Tell them if they each gave $20, I could be home and go to the superbowl.
- Talk to whoever planned the heist in Ocean's 11. If we cannot obtain tickets legally, we'll have to get in somehow.
- Find someone to stay with in Texas.
- Write sob stories to the 18 richest people in the world. Tell them time is of the essence. Tell them of the boils. And the rats. And this morning I woke up and there was a cockroach in my mosquito net. THEY NEED TO KNOW.
- Wardrobe - I need a Sam Shields jersey STAT.
- Cheer hard. Like insanely hard. Throw things. Squeal and screech and yell and growl and get angry and cry with joy. Leave it all on the field.
GO PACK GO.
I know someone you can stay with in Texas! I therefore absolve myself of all the other responsibilities mentioned above.
ReplyDeleteI miss you Abby!
Nancy
SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be working the Oceans 11 angle.
ReplyDeleteI live in San Antonio. You can always stay with us here.
ReplyDeleteYou need to throw a Super Bowl party with your Gambian amigos and let them experience the excitement with your mad commentary on the game as broadcast over shortwave radio (you have one right?). Have a buffet with only green and yellow foods allowed (that could be dangerous!). Presage the game with a round of frisbee golf. Embrace your geography! We'll send you a copy of the game in the February package!
ReplyDeleteGame? What game?
ReplyDeleteSuper-bowl, salad-bowl, its all the same!
Try not to focus on what you're missing.
I've already spoken to the Obama staff, and they say, "Nix' to the free-ticket home-thing."
Sorry, but you'll have to rest on the understanding of how much more you're going to enjoy the game when you're finally home at last!
For the present, just enjoy western Africa the best you can.
Always,
Will from IL
(a Steelers fan)